Habara za jioni (good evening) from beautiful Tanzania!  I have two funny things to share with you today.  My explicit goal is to make you smile and even laugh.  If you do, you can thank me for the cheap entertainment in the Comments section of my blog.  Or just keep on smiling/laughing, and pass it on.  We all know laughter is good for the soul.

First, after much searching and kwa bidii (with effort), I have finally learned the Swahili word for honey badger:  Nyegere!  I don’t find that word to be particularly memorable or easy to learn, so I’ve constructed two flash cards in my vocabulary deck so I can remember it.  I can’t believe it took me this long to find someone who knew that word.  Many thanks to Mwalimu Shose at MS-TCDC (my Swahili language training school) for running it down for me.  Shukrani sana!

Second, I must confess that I’ve been sitting on the most delicious story for several months now.  The reason I haven’t shared it before is because it is a little naughty.  Normally that wouldn’t stop me from sharing, but heck, this one makes me blush!  However, a good friend recently convinced me that this story should be public, so here goes.

THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

Before I tell the story, you need one little tidbit of background information.  A Tanzanian friend of mine, who shall remain nameless to protect the guilty, told me that the phrase “mboro kubwa” means “black mamba” (as in the deadly snake) in Swahili.  Okay, fine.  Duly noted.  Actually, I saved it into my list of Swahili words in my iPhone for future reference.  I carefully learned that phrase, given that I have a pretty healthy fear of deadly snakes.  Now onto the meat of the story . . . .

Earlier this year, I took some very informal Swahili language training with a male instructor. One day he asked me to write a short story about fruits, vegetables, and animals in Tanzania.  I wrote about four:  Samaki Ugali (a Tanzanian fish dish), maembe (mangos), paka (cats), and, my personal favorite, nyoka (snakes).  Here is what I wrote, in Kiswahili:

NYOKA

Sipendi sana nyoka!  Nawaogopa nyoka.  Kuna nyoka nyingi Tanzania, na nyingi ni sumu.  Jamii ya nyoka ya Tanzania inagumuisha cobra, puff adder, na mboro kubwa.  . . . (Emphasis added.)

Note to my Swahili-speaking friends:  Be sure to read to the end of this post so you understand!

And now for the actual English translation:

SNAKES

I really dislike snakes!  I am afraid of snakes.  There are many snakes in Tanzania, and many are poisonous.  Types of snakes in Tanzania include cobra, puff adder, and . . .

{WAIT FOR IT –}

large penis. 

Yep.  That’s right, folks.  You read that correctly.  I wrote “large penis” on my assignment to my male Swahili instructor.  But remember, people!  I honestly thought “mboro kubwa” meant black mamba, so this was a very innocent mistake.  In fact, it wasn’t until about one month after this assignment that I learned of my faux pas.  Geez Louise!  I had used the phrase “mboro kubwa” in conversation to refer to black mamba, and my friend jumped on me, saying, “OMG do you know what you just said?,” and I learned the true meaning.  I covered my mouth and gasped, grabbed my daftari (exercise book), and showed it to My friend.  At first we looked at each other with complete horror, and then we laughed so hard we cried for several minutes.  Then I smacked him upside the head for not telling me the true meaning the first time around.

Here is a scan of my assignment for proof.  Note the teacher’s red check mark indicating I passed. Ay Chihuahua.

No wonder my teacher stopped reading aloud when he reached that point in my story.  When he paused and looked VERY confused, I explained, “black mamba, you know that snake, you know, mboro kubwa is a black mamba?”  Complete silence and more puzzlement.  Bwahahahahaha!  Now I know why!

Fortunately, he didn’t flunk me, but I feel very sorry for him.  Either he thought I was completely kichaa (crazy), or he thought I was messing with him.  I have never gone back to correct my error, because I think it’s better to just leave that one alone and let it slither away into the grass.  Kind of like stepping away from a black mamba if you come across one in the wild. Although the honey badger is well-known for its ability to kill poisonous snakes, even if bitten by one first (snort). 

Did you smile?  Laugh?  Blush?  You KNOW you did.  I sure did–again!

Do you have a ridiculous “Lost in translation” story?  Share it with us in the Comments.  I always love hearing from you.

Mna wikiendi njema (have a good weekend, y’all).

-Badger OUT