Honey Badger don’t care. That is, unless she sees a snake. Then you’ve got her full attention.
We live out in the foothills of Mount Meru in the jungle. There are oodles of snakes here, and many are of the nasty variety that cause serious trouble when they strike. Think spitting cobra, green and black mamba, and puff adder. Although there is antivenin to save you from the venom of many of these snakes, with a mamba, you will meet your maker within several minutes after a bite. So, with the Honey Badger being quite snake-adverse to start with, she is usually aware of her surroundings. Despite this awareness, she hasn’t seen a snake here in Africa until just recently, and then she saw three garden snakes dead on the road within a three-week span.
These sightings apparently burrowed into her subconscious, because for the last two weeks or so, she has been wary walking from the bedroom to the kitchen in the pitch dark to get water. Walking through the dark conjured up grotesque images of stepping on an unwelcome guest of the slithey variety. And as it turns out, that fear wasn’t out of line.
A few days ago, we were woken by our housekeeper letting herself in the door to start breakfast. I heard dishes clanging in the kitchen and then some rustling in the living room to open the curtains. Then, very surprisingly, she knocked on our bedroom door and said, “hodi” (basically “may I come in?” in Swahili). I immediately knew something was wrong, because she would never knock on our door unless something bad had happened.
After my husband asked her what she needed, she said, “kuna nyoka mlangoni.”
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
I know Swahili well enough to know this meant, “there is a snake in the door.”
My husband leaped into action. I cowered in the hallway between the bedroom and the living room, watching from a safe distance. RG3 had come equipped with a big stick and a mop, and I noticed he had on his jeans and full sneakers (not his flip flops). He was obviously prepared to do battle.
He ever-so-carefully pushed the doorway curtain aside with one of the sticks, and sure enough: there was a black coil on the floor just inside the door. I asked, “ni kubwa?” and he said, “no, very small.” Even though it was smaller than I expected, I groaned and told RG3 to be very careful. He gave it a good whack with the big stick, causing it to roil up and strike at the air. He was far enough away to where the snake couldn’t get him, but I felt my toes curl at the utter grossness of the situation. Sadly, the big stick he was using broke, so he quickly reached for the mop. I’m sure glad he brought it!
From there, I watched him lure the snake away from the door, and then he leaned over and pried open its mouth with a couple sticks. This made me very unhappy, and I asked why he was doing that. He said, “I want to see if it has thorns.” Of course, he meant fangs. I shouted, “of course it has fangs! Stop that! Get away, damn it!” RG3 continued, completely nonplussed by my rantings, and shortly he declared, “yes, it has thorns.”
Then the snake said, “Ask yourself: do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do you?” (Hehe…couldn’t resist.)
To make a long story short, after that, RG3 dispatched the poor creature and took it outside to hang in the bush (he didn’t leave it on the ground because he knew our ridiculous dog would get it and drag it back in the house). I know the snake’s death will make some of you sad (as it does me), but I defer to my African husband on such matters. He has tangled with and killed a boomslang (green mamba) and another venomous snake near his village. The problem here is that since many of the snakes are deadly, unless you’re a snake expert, you don’t second-guess. Certainly if it’s IN MY FREAKING HOUSE, I’m afraid there is no way out alive.
After posting a picture on the Facebook Snake Identification page, I learned it was a harmless herald snake. This made me feel really sad, but as I said, we can’t take chances here. The snake was black like a black mamba, and just because it was small doesn’t mean squat. Baby snakes are as lethal or more so than grown snakes.
Here’s a short video of the encounter. I left out the more graphic parts, but be aware that some might find this video to be disturbing.
On a humorous note, after the situation simmered down, I took a good look at RG3. Look what he was wearing!
He told me, “if snake come in the house, Honey Badger’s husband will kill you.” True. But then he said, “I so embarrassed. That was small snake. No challenge for me.” Oh brother. Whatever! I have to say it was very interesting watching him–he was completely cool and calm. I guess when you grow up in a village with boomslang in the trees, you just manage with whatever the wilds throw at you. You can’t freak out.
Anyway, at night I have started to light up my Iphone flashlight when venturing out into the kitchen, and when I open the curtains at anytime of day or night, I stand back to ensure there isn’t some reptile lurking there to scare the living daylights out of me–or worse!
Do you have a snake story? Comment if you do.
-Badger OUT.
